I have this guy friend. we've known each other for about or over a year, and we are absolutely the best of friends. We tell each other everything, with barely any hold backs, and we help solve each other's problems. He and I are both Sagittarius's and we are a roller coaster of emotions. I've helped him through so much and I was there when he was going out with my best friend. I think, this is where i started feeling something for him. I hid it well the entire time. When they were mad at each other, I was there to fix it. I would tell them things that the other may have {or may have not} said just to get them to talk to each other. I was a great friend to both of them and their relationship was my first priority, so i ignored those feelings and set them aside. They were okay for a while, but there was always a problem.My best friend has a bit of a problem with commitment. She messed around with other guys and was trying to juggle them all. It was a game to her. This hurt me to no end because my feelings for him were stronger and I didn't like the way he was being treated because the emotions he had were not reciprocated. But, I kept her secret, because she is like a sister to me. I may not like the game she was playing, but i love her.
Well, somehow he found out about her secret and he broke it off, and stopped talking to her. Her number was deleted and her "unfriended" her on Facebook. Even to this day they're not talking and this happened like a month and a half ago. I helped him heal of her and we became even closer than we were. So close that we even have plans to "marry" hahaha. Anyways, my hopes were getting high, but I knew I couldn't love him because of a past conflict that has made it nearly impossible for me to fall in love.
For a while, I was the only girl he shared himself with. We began finishing sentences for each other and we almost always knew what the other was thinking. We have more coincidences in one conversation than i could have in a year. We're like one heart with two bodies. He would try to help me with my "love" issue and wanted to set me up with his friend or whatnot, but i wasn't interested. Little did he know that he was the only guy I could ever be interested in.
Everything was going great until he told me that he wanted to go out with this girl that lives in his dorm. Now, I was back on friend mode, and no matter how much that little statement wanted to bring me to my knees with hurt, I still continued to help him. They were having issues because she didn't want to commit. (I don't know why he ends up liking these girls that just aren't good for him). So, he let her go for a while. And somehow, we got unbelievably closer. When he visits, he always has to come over my house and become a permanent fixture in my living room. We even started talking about kissing and cuddling with each other, just because we could.
I started dreaming about him. All these possibilities and assurances that he felt the same way about me as I him, made me elated. We talk or text all day, everyday and we began talking as if we were actually together. We always talk about plans for the next time he visits, and he is so protective of me and my well-being.
But I swear the world ended today. We were just now talking about his paper he's doing and he automatically says, "I am positive that we're getting together." My heart pounded. I had the biggest grin on my face as I typed back. I didn't really quite understand so just to be safe I said, " Your positive about what? I don't understand."...I waited for this text message for two minutes. It was the longest and more exciting two minutes of my life. I anticipated something like, me and you or us going out. I did not expect, Me and that girl are getting together........
I literally felt time stop. The air I had inside of me exited with this one big blow. As of right now, I am trying so hard to hold back these tears that are threatening to fall. I'm babysitting some kids, and the last thing i need is to be weak. I can't walk...my legs feel too wobbly. If I try, I may fall with anguish. I may never want t get up. He's my best friend, so I know I need to be strong for him and because life moves on. This can't end my universe, but I felt that he was my sun, and everything moved around him. He kept hold of me with this gravitational pull. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I don't think I can. My heart hurts. When people say that, I always thought that they were overreacting. But I feel the pain. It's an actually physical feeling like you're being stabbed and burned at the same time. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I'll just smile, but now I know, that it was a terrible idea to let myself fall in love.
